Baby Prep...

There are a million things you find yourself doing to prepare for a baby. You get rid of (or move) your guest bedroom to accomodate a nursery; you start buying little things here and there that you never saw yourself buying before (diapers, etc.); and you work to prepare your heart, your house, your checkbook, and your life for one more. The weight of that dependent responsibility starts to weigh in. But it's all fun - picking out cribs and bedding, creating a registry (which I've done at Target and BabiesRUs now), etc.

However, perhaps the most important preparation going on has less to do with Jackson and more to do with my fabulous husband. :) Andrew and I often talk about what makes a healthy and happy home for a child. We had to deal with that sooner than we would have otherwise because of Payton, and we see that as a good thing for us. We believe whole-heartedly that the best thing for a happy child is simply a healthy marriage. We have seen firsthand the impact of a stable relationship on a child's psyche. We don't like to say that marriage is hard work becuase that makes it sound like something you have to do...but it does require effort and a willing spirit.

And so, I come to a book...My mother-in-law is an avid reader. She reads books about everything and is probably the most well-read person I know. Her ability to understand and retain the information she reads is amazing. The best part (for me) is that she always has great reading suggestions for anything you can think of, and she is very thoughtful in her gift giving of books. For my birthday last year, she sent me a book called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Generally, I hate self-help books that say cheesy things like, "Follow these 10 steps to..." or "The three principles of ___ are..." This book isn't like that. BUT, it challenges me as a wife to be a better marriage partner. I don't believe you have to have marital "problems" to want to improve your role as a wife (and consequently as a mother)...

The premise of a book is rather shocking amidst an overly romanticized culture. But we all know that those "happily ever after" type of things are sweet, but not real (at least in the long run). It's not that romance is bad...just that it's overrated. Instead, this book asks this question: "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" Read that again...

I don't consider myself a marriage expert by any means, but I can say that I've learned a lot about myself and about a committed relationship in the almost 2 years I've been married. All of the joys of marriage that I expected are there...and still wonderful! However, I have discovered that my sins are more obvious to my husband than I ever thought, I am more selfish than I thought (and feared), and I have become more vulnerable in marriage...to an extent I never thought possible. All of my flaws have been exposed (at least I hope they have all been exposed by now), and I still don't like that. It's not pretty... Marriage has also taught me how to accept the flaws of another person in real (not just figurative) ways.

What's wonderful about moving past the idea that marriage is designed to make us happy is that it means we see marriage as an edurance race, not a sprint. And, more importantly, it opens up opportunities for us to confront our selfish, mean-spirited, and flawed characteristics to draw closer to the One who designed for and can actually fulfill that happiness.

I think it's a simple, but not easy principle. My prayer is that the efforts Andrew and I take to solidify a healthy marriage help prepare for and make a great life for Payton, Jackson, and siblings to follow....