Worrier (NOT warrior)...

So, I have always been a worrier. Like, to the point of anxiety kind of worrier. It’s totally irrational most of the time and definitely a detriment to my mental (and sometimes physical) health.

This is the week I’ve been dreading. My sister-in-law is out of town for a couple of weeks preparing for her wedding, getting married, and celebrating on a honeymoon. So, I called my dear friend Melanie who knows and loves my sweet Jackson to fill in. She was, of course, more than willing to help despite the fact that she’s enjoying life as a newlywed and getting back into the crazy juggle of 8 children’s school, work, and extra-curricular schedules, Mary Kay work, and teaching at the gym. But for some reason, I’ve been irrationally anxious over the longer drive getting him there and back to work on time in the mornings, had crazy fears of him falling down the stairs, and feel panicky over his schedule being interrupted and changed.

I’ve been super interested in Christian fiction lately and was reading the beginning of a book my mother-in-law recommended. The main character of the book was a child reading from the book of 1st Samuel at her mother’s instruction. And God spoke to me through that. Now, maybe that just means I need to read the Bible directly a little more often, but I just think it’s insane that God can speak to me through scripture in the opening chapter fictitious novel. Insane…and AWESOME.

In 1st Samuel, Hannah is one of two wives to Elkanah. Hannah had no children and grew bitter because of it. She pleaded with the Lord for a son and promised to dedicate him to His service if God would only give her this request. God, of course, does give Hannah a son…Samuel. And she gives Samuel to Eli. While this would be a hard (maybe impossible) task for any mother I know, Hannah praises God for his mercy and goodness and wholeheartedly entrusts the care of her son to her (and his) Creator.

If Hannah could give her son to the church and trust God to keep Samuel safe, sound, and blessed…then I can certainly trust God to hold Jackson close while I am simply at work for hours at a time.

As he does every night, my hubby prays for us. Last night, his prayer for me was that God would turn my worries into praises. Between that prayer and 1st Samuel, God has done great things for me. He has turned my worry into praise. As I drove over to Melanie’s this morning, I could hardly count the blessings…a stress free morning, a happy son who talked incessantly of playing with Piper, a great eating and nap day (not for me, silly)…the list goes on.

My favorite line in the song lyrics I shared a couple of days ago are insightful for me today:
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life are the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?

My heart is to stay home with my kid(s), but we’re not there yet. And God, because He is amazing, is using my unfulfilled desire to humble the anxious worrier my adversary would like me to stay. And along the way, He pours out way more grace and mercy and love than I deserve.