I mourn the end of summer...or at least I will i three weeks.

So, I got a pre-planning schedule in the mail today, and it is always an all too real reminder that summer is short. The end of summer is always a sad time for me. It's silly to say that b/c my job affords me an extra long break that most others don't get to enjoy without scheduling and taking time off (not to mention my job allowed me almost 16 weeks off with my baby and I only lost a day's worth of pay). I get that, but it's always a little sad...sort of the same way that it was sad when I was in school, not teaching it.

This year is especially hard for me. I have so enjoyed staying home with my sweet Jackson, and I will greatly miss sitting with him on the porch swing for an hour just because I can, taking naps with him on the couch, and listening to his endless stories (Andrew says they're about fishing).

At this point in our lives (for many, many reasons), it is the right thing for me to go back to work, but I don't want to. And before I sound ungrateful...I know I am so blessed to have a job in this economy, and I have a job I actually love - especially now that I more thoroughly enjoy my students. I even have great childcare lined up, so I'm not worried that Jackson won't be well taken care of. I just want to be the one to do it. I don't want to stay home because it's easy (it's not); I want to stay home b/c my favorite job in the world is taking care of my kid. But, that isn't my life yet (plans are in the works for me to be able to stay home with him and any future babies someday, but not now). Many people tell me things like "if you want to stay home bad enough, you'll make it work." That's not true for us (i.e. it isn't just about cutting back on how much we eat out), so I'll go back to work. I don't love the idea of it, and I'm dreading the end of summer more than anything I've ever dreaded before. Once I get back into the swing of things, I'm sure I'll be fine...right?

So, now, I focus on the next three weeks and the fun times with family and friends that are in store. Maybe August 4th will never actually get here... :)