The longer I am married, the longer I realize a certain truth. Married women are a part of two households, not one. And while I'll always belong to the family of my childhood, my heart belongs to my husband and the new family we're building.
I grew up in a great family...and I never knew how great it was until I got older. My parents weren't perfect, but we always had good food on the table, lovely clothes on our backs, and all the love and support a child could want. I don't think Rachel or I ever had a dance performance that my Mom didn't attend until college when she went to my brother's games and my Dad came to watch me dance at UGA. My parents attended every award ceremony I was invited to. They made it possible for me to achieve my dreams and always truly believed I could do anything I put my mind to. My Dad edited every essay I wrote, and my Mom would stay up with me while I worked on homework or a project late. Even as an adult, I realize that I still have that same level of support and encouragement. My Dad is always able to help us with financial needs (no, he doesn't just give us money), and my Mom even came over one weekend to help me clean my house because I needed four hands instead of two. But my parents never spoiled us (well, Josh might be a little rotten)... We were taught how to tithe our money and shop sales even when we had the money. We were taught the joy of giving instead of receiving and of putting others before ourselves. We were taught the value of hardwork, even if we then complained it was slave labor. We were given everything we needed, but we we were taught a lot about how to be decent human beings. And as I learn more about others and their family dynamics, I thank God every day for the parents and siblings he blessed me with...
Then, I got married. And one thing I truly love about our marriage is how much we truly (honestly and sincerely) adore each other's families. Not many people can say that. Although our childhoods were very different, our core values instilled in us by our parents are the same. Now, I belong to that family too, and it has brought me even more joy over the last few years. I feel connections with my inlaws that feel as though they've been there forever.
When I first met Andrew, I knew that he ultimately wanted to find his way back to be closer to his family and have a career in politics serving in his home sate. He asked me on our first date how I would like decorating the Governor's mansion. I shouldn't be surprised that he increasingly talks of moving "home." He's not just talking that way for selfish reasons, although he feels bad that he isn't able to help his aging parents in their financial and physical struggles. More than that, he feels burdened in his heart to go to graduate school and run for office.
I believe that women have different roles in marriage, but ultimately should support their husband's calling. That being said, I realize that my "new" family may cause me to leave the place I've called home my whole life. I don't mean that literally, I guess, although it could take me away from here physically. And though I don't want to "leave," I know in my heart that God may take us elsewhere, and I have to learn to find peace in that. I guess I start by openly talking about it (which I used to not be able to do). The thought of moving away from my parents and family makes me sick to my stomach a lot of times, but I believe more and more that God had called me to be Andrew's wife and to take care of his children, which means I may one day move to Missouri.
There, I said it. It wasn't easy, but it's true.
Is that too heavy to talk about a week before Christmas? :)
first of all, i love the romeo and juliet reference...very fitting.
ReplyDeletesecondly, yes, it is a little heavy to talk about leaving us, especially at christmas time!!! :)
i enjoyed reading this post because it helped me to see things from a different point of view. i have to admit, when you and andrew had casually discussed moving to missouri before it kind of put me off a little bit, simply because i didn't completely understand it. i remember talking to larry about it one night after you'd left, and saying that i didn't understand why you would have to be the one to leave your home, your friends, and your family, just because it was what andrew wanted. where was your say in the matter...why were andrew's aspirations and family taking precedence above yours?!
and please don't take that to mean that i don't absolutely love and adore andrew and his dreams (after all, i do plan on being his secretary of state!), i just adore and love you also and want you to be around! so needless to say, because we had not discussed it at any length, i did not entirely understand it. but now i do, and of course i fully support you both!
i think it takes a lot of courage and love for you to be willing to leave the only life you've ever known to support your husband in his dreams. i think it is admirable and if you guys leave for missouri i will be SO sad, but i will also support you and be really happy for you.
i guess for me, i was just raised in a different way after my dad left. i was raised by a woman who did everything herself, who made her own decisions and didn't need anyone else. i am quite sure this is not the way my mom wanted it for me, but it is the way it happened, and as a result, my first instinct in a situation like this is almost a bit feministic: it's 2009 and women are empowered to do what they want and don't have to submit to a man!
haha so my first instinct is a little off, but i really feel blessed to have friends who can help me see the other side of things. love you and having you in my life!!! :)
Jenn, I actually think a lot of people feel that way (including my family). When I was growing up, I wanted to be the first female president and a lawyer and a doctor... Now, I want to be a wife and a mother. It's not that I couldn't do those other things if I wanted to, I just don't desire that much anymore, which means I can have what I desire most in a different place. It's something I'm only beginning to come to terms with, but Andrew and I are both prayerful and believe that God will make a way and help us to both feel at peace when the time is right. Believe me, there are conditions for a drastic move. :)
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